Scrawling of longing

Picking up the pen

after so long

out of practice

out of tune

tried out the church

for half a year

went once a week

yet hardly did I speak

I wasn't honest with them

about who i really am

i wore a mask

and hid my past

I am not one of them

but i don't really know

all i do know

is i feel so alone

i keep looking for love

but i feel nothing

maybe its just lust

that i need to crush

there is someone

in fact there are a few

potential suitors

it is true

there is one in particular

i have never felt so relaxed

my worries flush away

when she is near

yet i fear i'd screw up

that i'd drive her away

with my deep cynicism

that hides dormant within

I haven't felt love so long

I don't feel it for her

yet i feel a flicker

a flicker of something

but what is that something?

I really want to know

I feel laughter

happiness

joy

peace

yet something is off

I don't know what it is

I can't seem to place it

I just don't feel it

Its frustrating as hell

maybe its my addiction

its getting in the way

maybe if i removed it

i'd feel that certain way

Stupid Hope

Hoping for the impossible
Wishing to go back in time
and fix what went wrong
and proceed with our song

Everything you do
I interpret as if you knew
what effect it would have
what feelings it would brew

I just want salvation
to be redeemed
to forget the past
and be set free

Yet you haunt me every night
I try desperately to find
someone else to catch my eye
yet they never feel quite right

D.C. Man

I am now a D.C. Man
if only I had a plan
yet life does not feel full
i feel nothing in my soul

I miss the one that loved me so
that feels like so long ago
I just wish for one more chance
to prove my love will last

Im not sure what to do
these feelings can't come true
I still deeply desire you
I wish I could just get over you

Why can't you love me?
Give me another chance
I promise this time
Our love can last

Maybe its location
Maybe I'm diseased
Maybe you're a victim
that needed to be set free